1. Require zero foreplay to get things going and have an orgasm, like, instantly.
In real life, kissing for 45 seconds is fun and all, but it usually takes a littttttle more than that, ya know?
2. And then have instantaneous penetrative sex without lube.
I'm not sure when the saliva-as-lube thing became "sexy," but lube would be a heck of a lot easier and you don't have to worry about bacteria and viral particles — lube is your friend!
3. Moan for the ENTIRE time — from the second their partner touches them.
No one's partner is actually a superhero/sex-god who can make you orgasm just by touching your knee.
4. Have on cute, matching, and (probably) very expensive lingerie...just so they can look like a "gift" for some dude.
We can actually look really sexy in things other than frilly lingerie...and, heck, even nothing at all.
5. Wear a bra before, during, AND after sex.
No one likes wearing a bra during the work day when you "HAVE" to wear one, so why would they choose to wear one during intercourse??? #FreeTheNipple
6. And, if they do remove their bra, there is always a magical sheet that covers their boobs, while the dude’s chest is fully exposed?
Again with the nipple discrimination. FREE. THE. NIP.
7. Then that same bedsheet magically becomes the perfect dress while they walk away from bed.
Because god forbid we walk around naked.